As Mad as The Hatter and as Lost as Alice
Relate Much?
We are often wrangling with not knowing who we are when we cease to have our identity shaped by being someone to somebody else.
This applies whether you are a Midlifer stepping into life beyond family and careers or a youngster stepping into adulthood.
We can feel adrift through any transition as we seek to find a place of belonging and feel at home in ourselves.
As Midlifers, we have often spent years defining ourselves through socially approved constructs and identities, only to find we reach this place in the middle and it is still being defined by limiting outdated narratives.
How are we to be, when the path ahead is not clear?
As the ground beneath us wobbles, when outcomes are uncertain, our old friend fear likes to take the driver’s seat. Under this helm, we keep on pushing forward. We mask our doubts & feelings of lack with fleeting antidotes - bingeing something - a bottle of wine, food, movies or shopping. We fill our drawers with supplements and shakes promising a miracle fix to how we feel. We listen to the fear mongers & ill informed who offer a lifeline.
But if we don’t deal with our inner world ourselves, everything is just a bandaid. Nothing’s going to stick.
The value of getting quiet, and checking in with inner wisdom is often overshadowed by the monetisation and exploitation of our vulnerabilities.
If we don’t know how to sit with ourselves—understanding our own physiology, hormones, nervous system, and emotions—using solid, research-backed knowledge and practices as a foundation for growth, we’re more likely to stay stuck in unhelpful repetitive patterns instead of evolving and transforming.
Life’s journey is unpredictable, but viewing it as an adventure can make uncertainty feel more approachable—and even exciting rather than overwhelming. This isn’t to diminish its challenges, but rather to offer a moment of reflection and the possibility of a different perspective.
Remember, Alice had to go through a deep dark hole before reaching Wonderland. As we look outward to an unknown horizon, maybe we can catch a glimpse of, and embrace, the possibilities of beyond.
Instead of fearing the unknown, we ask the question -
Who are we beyond who we know?
We are constantly evolving—who we are now is far from who we once were. It’s hard to step beyond what we’ve always known, or been told, but that’s where growth begins.
Just as Alice found Wonderland, we too can use our imagination, embrace the absurd, the whimsical, and the madness to find a self who we accept, love, and hold tight, meeting the inevitable confusion with open eyes & heart wonderment.
If you are going through hell don’t stop, keep going.
Winston Churchill.
It is a part of our contract of being in this world that we forge our way through unknowns.
Building a relationship with ourselves never stops being hard. We are always in a state of negotiation…if we aren’t negotiating, we will always be in conflict and suffering with ourselves as we struggle against reality.
Meeting challenges with an inquiring mind and curiosity allows us to find both presence with a more regulated nervous system, inspiration through clarity to tackle the obstacles with creativity, and resonance as we anchor ourselves to our inner teacher.
So where do we start?
Right here right now is a good place to start.
And we do it together.
The secret Alice, is to surround yourself with people who make your heart smile.
It is then, and only then, that you will find wonderland.
The Cheshire CAt
I am always very pragmatic about doing the work that needs to be done. I offer ways to keep things real and engage you in your life. It’s not easy and it’s constant. But on the flip side we find confidence and agency.
If you want to sit in the ‘manifesting’ space where you put out a wish and expect a mystical response, then I am probably not your go-to girl. Sure we can desire, make goals, hell yes even wish for things, but unless there is a collaborative experience between that intention and the hard work you put in, then it’s not going to happen.
I have always said I am the guide on the side not the sage on the stage.
My lived and learned experiences offer value at times when we need it. I do the things I do for me to help me stay out of the shit show, or at least keep me in the space of knowing there is something else beyond it…there is a horizon, from which something better is waiting to emerge which will look different for us all.
I want you to live your life the way you want to. I am here to offer a whole bunch of resources I have accumulated over the years for you to play with, take what works, toss what doesn’t and be willing to question. For example our breath is a reliable source of nourishment - sometimes it is the only thing that keeps me steady, yet, at other times, it’s the most elusive. That’s why being both well informed and flexible is important.
These rituals and rhythms give us a place to land when we are being pulled in different directions. Integrating all the things that align our inner and outer world is our work to do. For ourselves, in our service to others. What I do know is that befriending ourselves, understanding who we are, and how we navigate the world is powerful and truly amazing.
We are not Lost. Nor Mad.
We are all having normal responses to abnormal situations.
Anxiety is an anticipatory response that reduces our resources, leaving us feeling like there is something wrong with us. Recognising our emotional weather, building emotional agility and literacy, and managing mindset helps us understand ourselves from the inside, cultivating a life that we are happy to be in that feels good on both the inside and outside.
Say goodbye to who you think you should be and hello at the same time to the person you are becoming - on your terms.
Big Love
Mon
COMING UP
UNBECOMING - A Supper Club
One for the Midlifers…gatherings to connect, engage and celebrate this season of our life. We will explore purposefulness, meaning, creativity, courage, resilience, rest, ageing, longevity, being untethered … and more … there is so much to discuss ( not in the one sitting!). Go Here
PICKING UP THE PIECES OF ME - ONLINE PROGRAM - Beginning April - Bookings open soon
Picking Up the Pieces of Me is a short 4 week program I have developed over the last few years to help us rediscover motivation, energy, creativity, and possibility by reconnecting with what once inspired us, guiding us back home to ourselves, re-igniting our passion for all the things that are meaningful to us, and the best part is, we do it together for added impact and accountability.
