Going Solo

Finding Relevance

Who are we when we stop being someone to somebody else?

The benefits of investing time and energy in cultivating meaningful relationships are well documented* for both physical and mental well-being. Relationships, parenthood, careers, all take our attention & can gobble us up in the most delightful, but often consuming ways.

In the midst of all the attending to others, things can get a little fuzzy around the edges as we try to keep in tune with what we love, value and who we are beyond the roles that we play.

I know this, because I hear it often and I have lived it too.

The reciprocity of being in relationship to support and be supported, deepens connection by virtue of the relationship we have with ourselves. When we struggle to fit in, a true sense of belonging will feel out of reach.

So no matter the context, finding relevance to and with ourselves, nurturing and being attuned to the person we are is essential to elevate all relationships.

I love to travel. Sometimes we travel in tandem with others, sharing experiences, storing memories, building friendships and relationships. Sometimes we go alone.

As I have traversed the last 5 years, I have taken many solo trips. One of my favorite things is to be a stranger … anywhere. New places invite us to see things with fresh eyes, and to widen the aperture of our perspective. Dislocation can be a gift as we are nudged out of our habitual ways and routines into spaces where noticing returns.

Of course, travelling solo has its drawbacks. Notwithstanding the inability to share costs, and safety issues, the experiences had become embedded in your memory alone - there is no-one to share the post holiday glow with. Most connections are fleeting - conversations with people you will most likely never see again.

But on the flip side, we take intrinsic value in going alone.

While we are not creating memories with a significant other, we become our own significant other.

In a world where we often feel consumed by everything else, we get to ask ourselves What do I want to do today?

No-one to compromise with or negotiate with.

Just our Self. On our time. On our schedule.

With intentional solo time, we begin to answer the question of Who am I really, when I stop being the someone to somebody else?

Many women are so lost in a collective conversation that they simply find it difficult to make choices anymore.

Solitude creates space. When we have been in the trenches of care for so long, the noise of daily life postpones the internal conversations we could have between our head and our heart. When we step away from the norm, we invite perspective and possibility.

Discontent is a signal that a shift is needed. And maybe all that is needed to soften that discomfort is the simple act of paying attention to ourselves. True transformation requires curiosity and a willingness to get lost before we find what we are looking for.

As we negotiate the unfamiliar outer landscape, our dreams get given a shake up, creativity reawakens, we uncover a well of strength we didn’t know we had as we tune into a vaguely familiar, yet long neglected inner landscape. Each solo trip allows me to find another little fragment of me. Sometimes it’s something that has been lying dormant, or it reveals as a glimpse into who and how I am evolving.

Untethered from our daily life, these delicious little interludes are enriching, enlivening and liberating. And sure, solo experiences can be awkward. Solo dining can feel exposing. You might find yourself lost regularly ( Tokyo Subway anyone?). Conversations are not always welcome or reciprocated. But some conversations surprise you, as you venture to explore beyond face value pleasantries. We tend to listen more intently, question more thoughtfully and speak more honestly. Conversations involve less about what people do, and can involve more of an interesting exchange of ideas. You learn to ask better questions. And find a sense of humor.

Yes it takes courage to be on our own. Does it put you out of your comfort zone?…more than you ever imagine. But you become resourceful, resilient, and freer than when we stay in the comfort of what is familiar.

We get to step away from the narrative that usually defines us and begin to create new stories that are shaped not by others expectations, but constructed by ourselves through our own curiosity. We find an agency over ourselves and our emerging trajectory.

But how can we do that if we never go it alone?

Being in your own company starts with liking your own company. You have to want to hang out with yourself.

• If you got the opportunity to go solo - would you?

• Would you intentionally create time away on your own?

• Why or why not?

• Do you feel like you want to? Need to?

We are all travellers, navigating the world that we live in every single day.

As you know I am always all in for an INNER TRAVEL experience - it’s a great place to begin. We get to take a solo mental holiday every time we close our eyes, take a few breaths and check in with ourselves. We get to refine our own attention to our self, in our own inner world. Because every time we get quiet, and remove external noise, we start to hear the whispers of our heart.

Travel isn’t so much about movement, it’s about being moved.

PICO IYER

One doesn’t have to get on a plane and go across the seas to have time on our own. Take in a concert, go to dinner in a new town, take a walk in a National Park. Solo.

Travelling solo sandwiches the mundane of the everyday between moments of wonderment.

• We get to step outside of the frame we usually live in.

• We remember what makes us feel alive.

• We get to reimagine who we think we are, and importantly,

• …Begin shaping who we are becoming.

And when we open our eyes a little wider and broader so too does the experience we have in the world.

This week, I am inviting you to explore your own inner world.

Start asking questions and have conversations with yourself about who and how you want to be in the world. I have a new ways for us to connect to uncover this process. Come to Budgalong Lodge at Spicers Creek where you can not only spend time alone, but also have the benefit of letting me nourish you with food and movement practices. For a 2 night getaway there are some August dates available. If you want to explore and contemplate an inner journey a little more deeply I can also help you with that.

As always, thank you for being here

Until next time

Mon

*The 86 year longitudinal study by Harvard Reference : Waldinger, R. J., & Schulz, M. S. (2023). The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness

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