Reimagining Midlife
Somewhere in the middle
Every next level of our life will demand a different version of us.
Not at the beginning. Not done. Ever evolving. That’s me.
And I hope it is you too.
I am not 20, 30, or even 40 anymore. I do forget. I am young in my heart and my head, but I also have to accept reality - my body is changing inside and out.
And life is different. I’m in the Middle.
At this stage of our life, we accrue a multitude of experiences - many good, some test our strength. Health issues for ourselves and others above and beyond the regular hot flash, force us to confront challenges affecting quality of life. Separating and divorcing in midlife is another beast altogether requiring an additional 360 pivot. At a time where you might finally start to enjoy being a couple again, you find yourself single and navigating life on your own. For a woman, this can mean attempting to revive a long-forgotten career in a world that doesn't always appreciate her skillset.
Add in aged care for elderly family members …. it can be a veritable shit show.
It’s alot
But it’s also an opportunity to move from seeming mayhem to magnificence to reimagine who we are going to be in the next stage of life.
Writing new chapters requires a few things
Some guidance & support;
A map and compass in the form of a program and structure, so we know the direction we want to go;
Inspiration;
A pit crew of supporters;
Science based Information;
A deep faith in ourselves which can be cultivated by looking back at how far we have come and the wisdom we have accumulated, so when things get rocky we have our own back.
Yes it takes work. It takes discernment to let go of the people we were and the roles we played so we can create space for the evolution of the people we are to become. Sometimes it can be painful. And usually involves alot of grief as we continue to define and refine who we are, what we love and how we are going to get there
When I was younger my goals & dreams took on a different cadence. I think I always felt in a rush, needing to get so much done, while wishing life to move onto the next stage. Now I want life to PAUSE … Well at least slow down enough for me to stop and smell the proverbial roses.
Do you feel that too? I see alot of people like me in the work I do.
I am 50…plus a little more. There’s a hell of a lot of life in me yet.
Although we are becoming more visible as Midlifers, many programs, classes and ‘Insta - Advisers’ for Wellbeing are being delivered by people in different ages and stages of their life than me - their lives are completely different. Their needs are not mine, and unfortunately, we often still believe what we are told about what to wear, how to exercise, what to eat, even though they are clearly not geared to an aging womans’ body.
In the past we have had a medical system that, shall we say, was a little patriarchal, so research into perimenopause, menopause and hormones, is still pretty much in its infancy.
Gyms are often run by 20 somethings, and society, with all of its advertising, is bombarding us with anti-age everything … like getting older is a disease and something to be shameful of.
STOP with the words ANTI-AGEING. Keep it to ANTI-bacterial, ANTI-fungal, ANTI-inflammatory, ANTI-depressant. There's lots of room for ANTI. But not when it comes to ageing - no thanks. If I wake up and am one day older, it's a good day.
I am PRO ageing all the way.
@goodbyecroptop
In the middle, we are very, very different.
Honestly, I am so glad I am not still part of the ‘building’ era synonymous with our twenties, thirties and forties. I felt an intensity - both from external and internal sources - to succeed in every way - it was bloody exhausting and fraught with anxieties - even in the ‘olden days’ of my youthful exuberance. Nowadays there is not only a distinct flavor of immediate gratification for the up and comers, as an onlooker, there is a different, more insidious type of pressure galvanised by the very visual nature of our current world.
Keeping steady within ourselves, knowing who we are, is super important no matter any age. But as we tip toe or thrust our way, depending on your trajectory, into midlife, it is even moreso, as we reimagine who we are going to be in this next phase of our life. I used to use the term ‘reinvent’, however that seems ALOT more effort…and there are parts of us that we truly want to and need to keep hold of to inform, soothe and accompany us as we age.
No matter what age, none of us should be anything other than who we are. But as we age this becomes more evident as we lose the things that we perceive give us relevance.
Most of us just want to excavate through the debris to find out who we are again. And it’s a slower process. Removing the scaffolding we have constructed around ourselves to support the lives we have built, needs to be dismantled to allow us to rebuild lives that are relevant for now that are a little less restricted by responsibilities and children.
I do LOVE the energy of the XYZ…whatever generational alphabet group is current. My children are a constant source of inspiration. I admire their energy, freshness, the drive, the untarnished vision of youth, before they get old and cranky, and stop seeing POSSIBILITIES.
But I can’t be guided by young 20-somethings.
As an observer, I find the offerings of that generation too too much - I’m in a different space. Holding time and essence in a different way. On a plate already too heavily laden, I don’t need MORE. I need less of so many things. Mostly, the expectations for & of myself.
Now it’s not about LACK of expectation, but after all that time focused on outer work, on our families, our careers, it is time.
Time for us to carve out space for ourselves. In midlife, we still need to have goals and dreams, but with less of the grinding and rigidity that comes with needing to achieve, and to strive.
Who ARE we taking our wisdom from? Tik Tok?
I am sorry, but you won’t ever see me dancing or miming on that platform. it’s just not me. I won’t entertain you. I will, however, inform you.Here you will find a community with the backing of solid research, information and experience. Not opinion. A place to land that can hold us steady, see you, and hear you, while individually we sort out what is the best possible way for us to move into the next phase of our life.
Just like Tay Tay had her Eras tour, lets tour through the eras of our lives, mine out the best of our learning, our wisdom, and not be ashamed about the past so we can tap into our current and future fabulousness.
Thanks for being here.
Welcome Home
M x
Fail. Make beautiful messes. Make God awful messes.
And when the world swallows you whole and you feel like you're about to drown.
Stand up in the shit storm and hold the f#ck on.
The best parts of your life are yet to come.
- Anup Sohanta
❤️