Ta Daaaah
Magical Thinking Made Real
Photo: Benjamin Eriksen
Crossroads call for a sense of adventure. Leaning into the unknown, as well as having some reference for the direction we may want to go are also pretty imperative. Just as the trunk of a tree is the central axis from which branches radiate, having a solid foundation is an anchor point that grounds us in a stability and strength to summon the courage to step into the wild unknown. Marching forward with curiosity and also a willingness to embrace the fear to change direction as needed, when faced with obstacles, is also pretty handy.
As lifecycles end there is space. Moving into adulthood, puberty, menopause, midlife, grief, divorce, empty nest, moving house, retirement - these are all part of our story in some way. They are inevitable places we humans find ourselves, and to navigate them requires our participation to map our route so we don’t get lost, aimlessly wandering, or worse, lost in someone else’s GPS.
I see you. I hear you. I am you.
We are always moving through unknown territory whether we are cognisant of it or not. We know that we don’t have to settle for diminishing returns in these gritty places, and looking through a different lens to challenge our assumptions can reveal new pathways, and contingencies.
We are often encouraged to reinvent ourselves at these junctures, particularly so in midlife. I always find the word ‘reinvention’ somewhat problematic for a few reasons -
It seems arduous, requiring a whole lot of effort which one may not have.
To reinvent yourself, you first need to know who you are. Most of the people I work with aren’t starting from this place of certainty — they’re searching for a sense of self that’s been blurred or lost in the noise of their world.
Also, to reinvent who we are is an impossible task because we are an amalgamation of all the people we have been over the previous decades.
Wouldn’t it be kinder, and more inclusive to all of our inside people, to see the world with fresh perspectives and create shifts around that relationship, as opposed to disregarding and overhauling the person we are?
It maybe semantics, but words matter, and a shift in what we say and how we say it creates shifts in the way we relate and take action.
Here are three things to consider:
The Myth of Becoming Someone Else
When we are trying to ‘reinvent’ ourselves, we are telling ourselves that the person we are is not that great. That we must be more accomplished, more palatable, more polished in order to belong, succeed, or be loved. Not really a win for self value or worthiness is it?
Our future thinking is what lets us down.
We create the story of who we think we should be before we are already there. And when we get there, the person we are may not be compatible to meet the context of the current circumstance we find ourselves in.
When I left my marriage I had to let go of the future I thought I was going to have and reimagine how it was going to be, and what I had to do to find my place within that. The same when the nest became empty, when jobs change - anytime we move into any next phase of life.
We tune our identity into an entity not yet born.
Dreams are born and nurtured in our heads and have a sneaky way of making their way into our hearts and find a nice cosy space there. It’s not an easy or simple u-turn to walk away from something that has embedded itself there. I always encourage us to meet ourselves wherever we are at, knowing that where we are is always changing.
Rather than a reinvention, wouldn’t a ‘REIMAGINING’ be a better option?
Reinvention carries an insistence.
Reimagining feels like an invitation.
Less resistance, less demand.
More spaciousness, curiosity and kindness.
Create a shift from who and what we are, to how we are - how we show up, move and align.
Recently I came to another of my own crossroads. The realisation looked a bit like this:
After dealing with the logistics of elderly care, I have found a little more space to consider other things - like me and my work. I needed to find ways of integrating what I do and how I do it to build a more sustainable business model, while maintaining the integrity and values that I hold close.
Personally, I am also tired of holding on to unhelpful thoughts, behaviours and inaction. I needed to challenge personal assumptions and leave behind the things that were less interesting and way less valuable which have been taking up so much of my time. Yes, I have similar struggles to many of you. It was time to reimagine life for myself. It’s been an exciting, stimulating, inspired last couple of months.
That’s what reimagining does. It calls on creativity. It gives scope to envision a new way of being, aligning what is important, so we are more encouraged to integrate change. And it works because we have a solid why behind what we do.
Often the why that we find is us choosing ourselves.
And so I begin. Walking the path I want to. Need to.
I have re -jigged Moore Nourishing Life (MNL), consolidated and simplified my programs to make them accessible around time and cost. I am making parts of these emails actionable and engaging with a process, so some things will go behind a paywall and be accessible to those who subscribe offering more coaching, insights and accountability.
MNL always was and will continue to be a platform to help us nourish deeply and live boldly, not just be a place to find empty platitudes that make us feel good for a nanosecond.
Here is a question for you to begin to consider today:
How might you be holding onto a version of you that you could reimagine to match your reality and with what aligns with your values ?
This old version will usually show up in your thinking with a ‘should’ attached.
How might you think, feel, or show up differently if you loosened your grip on that version of yourself?
This is a question I’m going to help you unpack in smaller, more workable parts beginning in August if you would like to dig a little deeper to get some answers for yourself.
The lovely Irish poet David Whyte said :
“you make the path by walking. by walking you make the path.”
And he also says that “part of walking the path is losing the path.”
There are parts of us yet to be revealed, while parts of us need to be allowed to rest.
I hope you will come along the metaphorical path with me. It will be a meandering expedition with detours, and places to stop and linger with lots of actionable steps to integrate versions of ourselves not yet imagined but just waiting to be uncovered.
I always say I am the guide on the side not the sage on the stage to help you find your own ways, but exploring is much more fun together.
As always, thanks for being here.
Love
Mon
